Prologue; .when the tub is almost filled

As I sit there I’m left alone with the torturous thoughts, that always seem to control me… or more accurately, thoughts that turned into… people, people that push me to do… it and they win, once again as always. I get up from my bed and walk into the bathroom. Opening up the cabinet only to have old friends greet me, my pills and my razors. My pills in ABC order and my razors from sharpest to dullest. I turn and walk to the tub slowly; almost cautiously, hesitating, knowing that if I do this there is no turning back. Stopping halfway, Alex, one of the voices, says, “do you really want to stop knowing that you can make all the pain go away, knowing that if you do this you won’t have to deal with the bullies anymore, knowing that after this you’ll no longer have to see her with him, knowing that we can finally be free.” And that’s all it takes to clear my mind up of any doubt and turn on the freezing cold water. Walking back to my room I grab my phone, turning it on silent and one of the pre-written notes sitting it on the bed; making my way back into the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and go to my cabinet scanning the rows of pills I stop at ‘p’ and pick of all three bottles of Prozac. Standing at the sink I close the cabinet and see my reflection looking at me laughing at how pitiful I am. I open the bottles and start taking pill after pill .when the tub is almost filled up I grab my sharpest razor and say to Ark, my A.I. , “turn on broken playlist.” And soon the familiar song opening reaches my ears; sitting in the tub the water immediately soaking my clothes, chilling me to the bone; goose bumps race up down my arms and legs. Rolling up my right arm sleeve I see them; the old scars and worlds carved into my arm with her name. Tearing my eyes away I grab my razor in my left hand. Taking a deep breath I press it against my arm and slowly pull it inward letting out a shaky breath I lean back relaxing almost as if I’m trying to melt into the tub. Making several more cuts up my arm I switch hands and do the same to my left arm. Not soon after I feel the pills start to kick in stopping the assault on my arm. I put my other arm over the side tub and let the razer drop from hand. Relaxing back I listen to the music playing in the background as I let the anti-depression pills take away my senses. After sitting there for what felt like hours but was truly only minutes black seems to dance around my vision. Suddenly I hear her voice calling for me. I sit there making no noise far too gone to do anything; wondering how long it will be before she finds me…or will she just give up and go home instead? ‘Guess not’, I think as I heard her come up the steps. I hear my bedroom door open her shouting my name only this time faintly. hearing her walk to my bathroom door obviously hearing the music she tries to turn the knob. Realizing that its locked she starts banging on the bathroom door. With my vision slowly fades out with the last thing I see is my best friends batman converse. God, how I hate Batman.


I'm Mary!

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