Our relationships withthe people around us are very important to most of us, for our socialexistence.
The attraction between two people which leads to friendships,love or romantic relationships is Interpersonal attraction. Most have a list of attributes that describe ourperfect mate, general traits and specific skills. Kindness,physical attractiveness, an exciting personality and earning potential arethe qualities that most consider important, but some are found to be moreimportant than others.Ina research study done with 195 undergraduate students, who were allinvolved romantic relationships, were asked to complete a survey abouttheir relationship satisfaction, their ideal standards, and extent to whichtheir partner met those ideals this was assessed in two ways: First the participantswere asked to rate how much their significant other met their ideals on a numberof traits. Second, participants were first asked to rate how vital each traitwas in their ideal partner and then separately rate how much each of thosetraits defined their current partner.Result:- A partner who met their intrinsic ideals like- warmth, loyalty-wereassociated with better relationship quality than a partner whomet extrinsic ideals like -vitality ,status, passion—and thatintrinsic ideal match was just as important when extrinsic idealsweren’t met as when they were. Thus meaning that whetheror not a partner meets your extrinsic ideals is totally unrelatedto your contentment if your intrinsic ideals are met. Howevera big part of attraction is physical and different people agree on who and whatis attractive and what is not.
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Most women tend to prefer tall and somewhatmuscular men, while most men have strong preference for slimness. Society’semphasis on beauty has now become a matter of concern and brought attention tobody image issues, but research suggests that an individual’s face is moreimportant to overall attractiveness than the body. Astudy was conducted by Thomas E.
Currie and Anthony C. Little using 127 men and133 women, which appeared in the scientific journal Evolution and HumanBehavior in 2009.Theparticipants in the study had to first view and rate ten images of bodies ofthe opposite sex, then view and rate ten images of heads of the opposite sex.Lastly they had to view and rateten images of both the body and head. The tenimages for each of the participants came from the same ten individuals, but theorder in which they appeared was randomized for each viewing and ratingsession. They then compared the ratings to find whether the face or the bodyhad greater effect to the attractiveness of the model. “Ratingsof facial attractiveness were a better predictor than ratings of bodilyattractiveness of the rating given to images of the face and body combined,” asCurrie and Little explain.Result:- Facial attractiveness was identified tobe more significant in people’s evaluation of overall physical attractivenessthan body attractiveness.
Thus, facial attractiveness is of greater importancethan body attractiveness in human mate choice decisions.Peoplesindividual preferences are quite different, several of which are based on theextent to which people value different traits in a partner,-kindness, intelligence and humor- are the most commonly sought after.Similarities,conscientiousness, affect and beliefs are important determinants ofinterpersonal attraction and longevity of a relationship.1.
Similarity is very important, coupleswho share the same interests, tastes and expectations encounter fewerconflicts, also spouses who are similar in terms of educational attainment, ageand desired number of children is less likely to get divorced. Other thansimilarity, Conscientiousness and emotional stability are alsoquite important. 2.
Conscientiousnessis a fundamental personality trait that effects whether individuals set andkeep long-range goals, are deliberate over choices or behave impulsively,and takes obligations to others seriously. Those who are conscientious bringthat into their relationship as well and are more dependable and trustworthy.3.
Emotionalstability is the personality trait that affects relationships the most, thosewho are not emotionally stable tend to be anxious, moody and are quicker to getangry than those who are.4. Anindividual’s beliefs about relationships also affect the relationship. It hasbeen identified that there are two primary sets of beliefs about relationships- growthbeliefs and destiny beliefs. Those with destiny beliefs thinkthat relationships are either meant to be or not, when a relationship is meantto be, everything will work out. If there are difficulties, those are signsthat that individual is with the wrong person. In contrast, those with growthbeliefs think that relationships take hard work and that a strong relationshipis what grows over time, they believe that all relationships unavoidablyencounter problems and that having a stronger relationship means working hardto persist the problem.
Outof the above, similarity was said to be the most important for a long and happymarriage when asked by ‘The Legacy Project’ to more than five-hundredindividuals who have been married for forty, fifty or more years. Thefundamental lesson and the unanimous opinion was that one is more likelyto have a satisfying marriage for a lifetime when both partners in therelationship are fundamentally similar and if they are not, it is likely to beconsiderably more difficult. While partners can be similar is various ways, thesimilarity in their core values is absolutely necessary. Most arguments emergeover insignificant issues, according to the elders they reflected theindividuals underlying values and similarity in core values serves as a methodof inoculation against them. Various research findings were that marriages thatare homogamous in terms of economic background, religion and closeness in ageare the most stable and tend to be more contented. Analysesof individual data:- AD In search of a BRIDE AD In search of a GROOM Source Own attributes mentioned Attributes sought for in the match Source Own attributes mentioned Attributes sought for in the match 1.
The Hindu 9th April ’17 Iyer,BEMS,H1B1-Sanfransisco, Teetotaller. Seeks BE/MS Iyer girl interested in fine arts. 3.Mumbai Mirror 10th Dec ’17 Sunni Muslim religious family, MD-Dentist Doctor, 29yrs old, height-5’3″. Fair and beautiful equally qualified, well-settled in Mumbai or working in Gulf. 2.
The Hindu 22nd May ’16 Pillai- Vellalar- Chithirai.BE, handsome, fair, clean habits, working and business, Bangalore. seeks soft spoken, good looking bride 4.The Tribune 31st Dec ’17 Jat Sikh doctor family, settled in Canada, Canadian born, 28yrs old, height-5′-7″. Dentist, smart, attractive, family oriented and excelled in her career. from Canada/USA. Theabove ads are from three different daily newspapers, The Hindu, Mumbai mirrorand the Tribune, all of which are English daily newspapers.
The Tribune ispublished from Chandigarh, New Delhi, Jalandhar, Dehradun and Bathinda.The Hindu is the second most circulated English-language newspaperafter The Times of India.· The first ad as mentioned, is from ‘TheHindu’ and was published on 9th April 2017, here he (the individual in searchfor a bride) mentioned stated he belongs to the caste ‘Iyer’ which is a casteof Hindu Brahmin communities of Tamil origin.
He also mentioned his educationqualification and further he mentioned that he is a holder of H1B1 visa-Singapore, and that he is a teetotaler.In the first ad he mentioned that he isa non-drinker reflects how majority of our population consider alcohol drinkersas a disgrace to society and by mentioning that he is a teetotaler should/mightbe considered desirable. People whodrink moderate amounts of alcohol face few negative consequences , heavieralcohol usage affects marriages adversely. Heavydrinking, alcohol problems and alcohol use disorders are associated with lowermarital satisfaction, this association is to some extent stronger when thehusband is the problem drinker. It is also a causal factor in domestic violenceand aggression, physical and psychological. Alcoholis among the most common reasons given for a divorce and is also one of themost common reasons given for seeking marriage counseling.
The individuals levelof education attainment are also given significant importance as they arementioned in all the four ads which underscores the tremendous importance givento their partner’s educational and professional credentials , as today most menlook for wives with earning potential since double income for a household isalways preferable. In the advertisements all four individuals have mentionedtheir caste/ religion, which affirms the belief that one’s religion does infact play a major role in marriages even before the marriage takes place. Mostindividuals look for a partner who has religious beliefs simillar to their own, as those inreligiously mixed marriages report slightly higher levels ofdisagreement about religion. Inter-caste marriages are rare in the Indiansociety. The caste-system in India had great influence over the population , along with various limitations people ofthe lower caste faced it also forbade marriage outside the caste.
According toa survey conducted in 2014, about 5% of marriages are inter-caste in India.Another commonality inall four advertisements is that all three out of the four have mentioned thetheir physical characteristics. However from both the advertisements of men insearch of a bride, one of them has mentioned ‘good looks’ as an attributesought for in the bride. While neither of the two advertisements have mentioned’good looks’ in any way as a criteria for an eligible groom. This supports thegender stereotypes that suggest that men place greater importance on thephysical attributes of their sexual partners than females do, and severalstudies have found support for this in the context of dating and mateselection.
In one study by Dr.Strauss , when individuals were asked whichtraits would be most important in a marriage partner found that men ratedphysical attractiveness significantly higher than women did. Another noticeabledifference in the four advertisements is that neither of the two advertisementsof the men mentioned their age or height while both advertisements of the womenin search of a groom have mentioned their age since for women marriage in theirtwenties in considered ideal as the only disadvantage of marrying late islikelihood of facing biological complications in conceiving a child. It hasbeen found that conception after thirty-five is difficult than in twenties andchances of miscarriage and diseases like Down syndrome and other geneticdiseases are higher. Asper United Nations statistics, the mean age of marriage in India as of 2011 wasapproximately 21 years which is higher than the mean age of 19.3 years in 1991. Whilean increasing proportion of women are delaying marriage, the mean age ofmarriage for women in India still remains low.As of 2011-12, almost41% of the married women in the age group of 15-32 years which is thegeneration born after 1980, were married between 16 and 18 years of age.
Analyses of groupdata:-Similar to what wasstated above, the group data too shows that men seem to recognize theimportance of physical attractiveness more than women, as the number ofmen, those who have mentioned physical attributes regarding their bride matchis significantly higher than women who have done so. Higher number on womenthan men found the need to mention physical attributes of themselves in theiradvertisements which might reflect how men probably place greater emphasis onphysical attributes of their partner than women.Another observationmade on the group data is that greater number of men have mention some amountof details of their occupation in comparison with women. Also higher number ofwomen in search for a groom has mentioned occupational success/stability as ancriteria to be fulfilled by their partner in comparison with men. This showshow in a way society has considered job credentials of the groom significantlymore important than those of the bride, which might have been caused by ourIndian tradition of the wife shifting to the husbands house after marriage, ina way suggesting that the responsibility of the bride is supposed to be takenby the groom, in which financial dependency is for taken in most cases.Mention of their ownreligion was found to be higher in both the men and women, and the requirementof their potential partner of being of certain or of the same religion wassignificantly lower in the advertisements of both men and women.
This mightshow that religion must not be a topic of concern in individuals of thisgeneration thus resulting is lower rate of significance associated to it for thepurpose of marriage. According to the group data,individuals have placed importance on values of their own as well as on thoseof their possible-future partners. Thesubstance of most major religions and of most spiritual practices is how webehave and treat each other. Hence emphasis on our values helps us lookat our own character traits which makes it possible for making changes inrelationships and marriages.