Non-verbal Konikova’s article “The Limits of Friendship”

Non-verbal communication comes with an entire bundle of expressions. For example, posture, eye movement, and gestures (kinesics). On the other hand, verbal communication is the sharing of information between individuals by using speech. According to Konikova’s article “The Limits of Friendship” Dunbar states “We underestimate how important touch is in the social world, with a light brush on the shoulder, a pat, or a squeeze of the arm or hand, we can communicate a deeper bond than through speaking alone.” Out of all the passages, we read this quote really struck me because haptics plays a significant part in creating and improving affection in a relationship and providing certainty to one another. Individuals feel more satisfied with a relationship when positive affection takes place.

The message Dunbar is trying to convey with this quote is that a simple touch is more capable of demonstrating effort in a relationship. The effort you put into any relationship through haptics is better heard by the other individuals as a message with a deeper meaning; haptics is more powerful than words. I think in general positive effect is crucial in validating and reinforcing romantic relationships. Positive affection is exceedingly connected with romantic relationships and accomplice fulfillment. Conflict resolution is easier with physical affection, conflicts are settled better with increased measures of hugging, cuddling/holding, and kissing on the lips     An example from my own life where haptics (positive affection) and this quote come into play in my life would have to be my relationship with my significant other, who I hold a strong relationship with. Before I left off to college my girlfriend and I were used to telling each other “I love you” followed with a kiss or hug.

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Once I left off to college everything changed, I facetime her often but it’s totally different when I say “I love you” this time it’s followed with just a red end call button and a blank stare. This time I felt incomplete and uncertain it was different from what I had experienced, there was no positive affection and appreciation. Whenever my girlfriend and I get into arguments through facetime or text message it’s different than when we are face to face. When arguing through facetime or text message we are more likely to ignore each other longer and use our online disinhibition effect.

As opposed to when there’s positive affection involved your able to hug or kiss making conflict resolution easier. When you’re touching you’re significant other it builds fascination and certainty. Positive affection is likewise very persuasive as well, how much you give is how much you’ll receive back.In conclusion, positive affection is essential in romantic relationships and the level of positive affection is off the charts. Saying an “I love you” followed with a hug expresses more meaning than just saying I love you.

Words are just words until haptics comes into play to reinforce and convey meaning to your words. 


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