If you are reading this, then you have
fallen into that void of darkness once again. You’re feeling sad, anxious,
scared, lost, alone. You don’t understand what is happening or why. You are
probably laying in bed right now not knowing when the last time you left the
house was. Your thoughts are spiraling down a negative path and your cheeks are
stained with tears. Or even worse, you are numb to emotions.
I know that you never imagined that you’d
end up here. You had big plans and bigger dreams, and depression was something
you never saw coming. It was silent, sneaky. It crept up on you like a lion
going in for the kill. You didn’t see what was happening until it consumed you.
But I want to remind you of a few things.
No one thinks less of you because you
struggle with this. Even when it might seem that you are more alone than ever
before, you have the support of a family who loves you endlessly and friends
who love you wildly. There is an army assembled behind you, ready to fight the
battle with you until the very end.
Remember how blessed you are. I know that
it’s hard to wake up in the morning and put a smile on your face for family and
friends. Your body feels heavy, and life seems hopeless and impossible. But you
are not a failure. You have a life that so many dream of, and the potential to
do amazing things. Use it.
You might call yourself insane for the
thoughts that you have, for the way you cope with this illness, but if you’re
going to think of insanity, think of the insane amount of courage it takes to
fight this everyday. Think of the obstacles that you overcome with the smallest
of victories. Every smile is a thing of wonder, every day without cuts is cause
for celebration, every second that you live to see is miraculous and beautiful.
The world would not be better without you
in it. There is no laugh like yours, your voice cannot be replicated, your
smile is breathtakingly unique. No one thinks in exactly the same way, or loves
in precisely the same fashion. There is no other you, and there will never be
another you for all eternity. You were placed here by a perfect and unfailing
God for a divine and beautiful purpose; you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I know the darkness is closing in. First, a
dulling of color, the world seeming less vibrant than it used to be. Then,
muddled variants of grey as the haze of depression engulfs you whole. Finally,
black. A darkness so deep you cannot see in front of you, or behind. You feel
lost. Thoughts flood your mind, telling you that you are not good enough,
reminding you of all of your mistakes and failures.
Those thoughts are lies. They are a trap.
They pull you in so that you obsess over them, so that you sink lower and give
up. They make you sad and anxious, and that anxiety spins out of control. It
becomes your reality. The thoughts that haunt you only pull you down further.
Do not dwell on those thoughts.
Get your thoughts out. Write them, talk
them out with someone you can rely on. Don’t ruminate, don’t sit there on the
couch locked in your thoughts. That leads to panic attacks, to deeper
depression, to a world of negativity
Don’t get discouraged if you don’t feel the
weight lifting quickly. It will not happen right away, but it does get better.
I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true. The darkness will lift, fade to grey,
and then the brightness of day will fill your life again so just Keep fighting.