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How To Keep Someone Off Of A Device/Possibly Make Them AngryBy: Jack WaldmanTable Of ContentsIntroduction: First ParagraphRules: Second ParagraphPhones: Third ParagraphComputers and laptops: Fourth ParagraphGame Consoles: Fifth ParagraphGood Byes: Sixth ParagraphGlossary: Seventh ParagraphHi! I am Jack Waldman and today I will be telling a few ways to Keep someone off of a device/Possibly make them angry. Ok! It might be more than a few ways, but that does not matter at all. So Let’s get Crackin!First let’s go over safety rules for this. Always wash your hands using eggs before doing any of the ideas from this how to. If you don’t know the person or just met them don’t get them off of the device in the ways I will be telling you about in this document. Be careful when you get someone off of their device in the the ways I will tell you about. If you know that if you are going to use one of my ideas, and it will get you in big trouble then I suggest that you don’t use the trick. Last rule is DON’T GET CAUGHT!!!!! OK in some of my ideas you will get caught but it does not matter. I think that is enough rules for now. So let’s get  Shaken!                                                                                   This  is five ways to Keep someone off of the phone. 1.Way can be to grab the phone, and chuck it down to the ground. The start stomping on it, and start yelling at the person because they wouldn’t get off of the phone when you asked them. 2.Another way you could get someone of the phone would be to sneak into their bedroom and take the phone. Then take it to a secluded. area and chuck it at the ground lots of times, then stomp on it. Next once you have done that chuck eggs at it, and then repeat all of those steps 3 times. Once you have done those steps bury it. Wait a few days then dig the phone up out of the ground. You will want to get a paper bag from somewhere, after you have the paper bag and it has to be a paper bag. Put the phone in it then put poop in it. Put the bag with the poop and the phone in it at someone’s front door and light the paper bag on fire. Once it is on fire… RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!                         3. Sneak into their room in the middle of the night, and absolutely has to be in the middle of the night. If it isn’t then the plan won’t work the way it is supposed  to. Once you have the phone wait until morning then when it is morning find a can of paint that is big enough to fit the phone in it. Make sure that the can of paint has paint in that will hide the phone in it. The phone has to be covered fully by the paint. Then once you have done all of those steps you are done. 4. Sneak into the person’s room and take the phone. Hide the phone perfectly somewhere where they will never find it. Wait about a day  then find something like some gasoline and drench the phone in it. Next light the phone on fire and have a evil laugh. And make sure that you practice your evil laugh a little while before you light the phone on fire. This way you evil laugh will be perfect. Ok so let’s get back on track. After you think that the phone has burned long enough chuck lots of eggs at it. After you chuck a dozen or more eggs at it pee on the phone. Then bury the phone. 5. Take the phone after you put a dozen eggs in the bathroom . Then lock the bathroom door. Put the phone in the bath tub or shower chuck a dozen or more eggs at the phone. Next after you are done chucking eggs at the phone pee on it. After you are done doing all of that wash the phone really good. Make sure you get the smell of the eggs and pee out of the phone. When you are done doing all those steps put the phone where the owner can find it. Here are five ways to keep someone off of a computer or laptop. 1. Steel the computer somehow. Hide the computer where the person will never find it. Wait a few days then bury the laptop or computer. 2. While the person is using the computer or laptop Run straight up to them and chuck eggs at them and the computer or laptop. Then grab the computer or laptop and smash it on the ground. Start kicking it. Then… RUN!!!!! 3. Sneak into the person’s room and steal the laptop or computer. Don’t get caught by anyone! Once you have it hide the computer or laptop in a place where no one will find it. After it has been hidden for a day take it outside somewhere and pore gasoline or something like that all over it. Next… LIGHT IT UP!!! Oh! But after it is on fire don’t put any more gas on it. Otherwise you could blow yourself up. After it has been on fire for five minutes throw lots of eggs at it. Then pee on it. If the fire isn’t out after that then find some way to put it out. 4. Steel The device at 3:00 a.m in the morning. And it has to be exactly at three in the morning otherwise the plan won’t work. Wait until 3:30  a.m in the morning. Once it is three thirty get up go to the bathroom, and use the bathroom. After you have used the bathroom get the computer Take so gelatin and Drink flavoring mix everything together Then put the computer or laptop into the liquid Jelo. Put everything in the  Refrigerator. Once the Jelo is all wobbly and not a liquid anymore take it with the computer or laptop in it. Then you will want to find a homeless man or woman, once you have found the homeless person give them the laptop/Computer jelo. Now you will want to tell them “God Be With You!” Then walk away. 5. First Take the laptop/Computer at 2:00 A.M. It has to bee 2:00 A.M otherwise this way won’t work at all. Then go to some place that is secluded and you won’t get caught. Once you have found that place this where you start. First pee all over the Computer/Laptop. Then you will want to kick it three times. After you have done that drench it in something like gasoline or something like that. Then light it on fire! Let it burn until the fire goes out. While it is burning use a evil laugh. Once it is done burning Kick it 5 times. Soon after you are done kicking it pee on it one more time. Then you will want to put protective gloves on, and pick it up then put it into a cardboard box. Now that it is in the cardboard box Put the protective gloves in the box with the computer/laptop. Then ceil up the box, and cover the box with 2 rolls of duct tape. Then cover it with 2 packages of tinfoil. And yes it has to be 2 packages of duct tape and tinfoil otherwise this plan will not work. Now make sure that the box is ceiled up tight and that no water or anything can get into it. Next dig a hole big enough to where the box is covered by at least four inches of dirt. Once that is done… GO TO BED NOW!!! Here are five ways to Keep someone off a game console.         1.Sprint up to them as fast as you can while they are using the game console, and then start chucking eggs at them and the console. Next Wack the console as many times as you can with a shovel. Then just SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMM!!! AND RUN!!! 2. Sneak into the room where the console is being kept at 3:02 A.m in the morning. It has to be at that exact time because if it is not at that time when you do this plan it will not work. Once you have found the game console you will want to disconnect it from anything it is attached to. Then go outside And through the game console onto the ground as hard as you can. Next stomp on it 3 times, and through a TV onto it. Now that you have done that light itt on fire, while you light it on fire play the song “Light It Up” by Fall Out Boy. Now get a big metal shovel and pick up the burning game console. And make sure that it stays on fire. Go to a big dumpster and Poor some gas into it. Next Through 10 big boxes of fire crackers into the dumpster. Then put the fire out that is on the game console, and dump it into the dumpster. Now make a trail of gas from the dumpster to a spot about 30 feet away from the dumpster. Next go to the end of the trail of gas, and the light the end of the trail of gas on fire. Once you have done that follow this important step… Get far far away from the dumpster!!! Don’t get burnt!!!3. First drill lots of holes into the back of the game console. Also make sure the hole is deep enough to where you can cram at least 2 firecrackers into each hole. Next put as many firecrackers as you can into each hole. The next time you are going to use it with the person that you are trying to keep off of it… light as many firecrackers as you can!!! And make sure that you look light you have no idea what it going on. Make sure the other person thinks that you did not do any thing, and that something was wrong with the console.4. At anytime when the person you are trying to keep the console isn’t home take the game console, and go to your bathroom. Lock the bathroom door. After you have done those simple steps you will need these things. 1. A knife, 2.something light a lighter, or blowtorch, 3. Work gloves, super glue, 4. A box, 5. Firecrackers, 6. Scotch tape, 7. A long fuse, 8. Something like a lighter, or matches. Now put on the work gloves.  Ok once you have those things you are going to want to grab the blowtorch and the knife. Take the blowtorch and heat the blade of the knife up a lot. If it starts to turn red then the knife blade is the perfect temperature. Now that the blade is really hot stick the blade through the back of the game console. The plastic will start to melt, but don’t worry this is totally normal. Then cut off the back of the game console. Next dump all of the cords and stuff inside the game console into the garbage can. Now go back into the bathroom. Take the firecrackers and extend the fuses on all of them. Now put some rocks into the console. Once you have done that drill a hole in the back piece that you cut out. Now put the fuse of the fire crackers so the at it is coming out of that hole. Next put the firecrackers into the shell of the game console. Then use the scotch tape, and put the tape one the back part so it will stick to the console. Go get the super glue and glue the back onto the shell of the console. Once you have done that take the scotch tape off of the console. Make sure that the console looks like it is hooked up, and all that. Then sometime after you have done all of those ask the person if they can play the game system with you. Next when you go to turn it on… light the fuse to the firecrackers.5. Get these things… 1.A long knife 2.Something like a blowtorch 3.Work Gloves. Now that you have those things the first thing you are going to want to do is put on the work gloves. The second thing you will want to do is make sure that the blowtorch works. If it works grab the long knife and set it down on a non flammable area. Next grab the blowtorch and heat up the blade of the knife, and make sure to heat up both sides of the blade. If the blade starts to turn red it is not a bad thing, just remember this do not touch the blade. Ok but back on track if the blade turns red that means it is the perfect temperature. Once the blade is ready stab it through the back of the game system. Now  WACK THE GAME SYSTEM AS HARD AND AS MANY TIMES AS YOU CAN!!!!! Glossary Device- a thing made or adapted for a particular purpose, especially a piece of mechanical or electronic equipment.Secluded- of a place not seen or visited by many people; sheltered and private.drench – wet thoroughly; soak.Dozen- a group or set of twelve.Gasoline- refined petroleum used as fuel for internal combustion engines. Non Flammable-  not flammable; not combustible or easily set on fire.

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